The Review: I have a love/hate relationship with Rob Zombie films, House of 1,000 Corpses was ok, The Devils Rejects was excellent as was Halloween whereas Halloween 2 sucked balls. I therefore went into the screening of The Lords of Salem with some trepidation.
The story focuses on Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) a late night radio DJ in Salem, Massachusetts, one night, a wooden box is sent to the radio station addressed to Heidi, she opens it and finds a vinyl record inside with a message saying the lords are coming, believing it to be a clever PR trick, Heidi decides to play the record on air. The chanting, drum beat and piercing violin invokes a strange reaction in the female listeners who slip into a sort of trance.
After the record finishes, Heidi is haunted by disturbing images of witches and faceless beasts while believing that the unoccupied apartment next to hers actually houses the devil. Believing that she has been chosen to bring about the birth of Satan, Heidi slowly regresses in her mental state (nothing too challenging here) Heidi’s friends rally round her and try to help her but some have more sinister motives.
From the get go, this is a sloppy, poorly acted, badly written, horrifically edited trash film, Rob Zombie has created something quite unique, a film that has zero appeal to any audience demographics. It seems that Zombie is more concerned with creating the ultimate satanic film and how spectacularly he fails. Everything looks cheap, the effects are poor and not frightening, there are clunking great holes missing from the story and the editing has been completed by a brain damaged monkey with a pair of scissors and a box of plasters. You could hear the collective slap of palms against foreheads from my fellow reviewers as they realised that they were wasting 100 minutes of their life that they would never get back again, indeed the ending of the film was greeted with spontaneous laughter and relief that this drivel was finally over.
If you want something that will get under your skin and disturb and sicken you, go out and watch The Human Centipede films or A Serbian Film as for all their faults and controversies have more to offer and are more likable than The Lords of Salem. This is indeed one of those films that will resonate with audiences for years to come, but not for the intended reasons.
Reviewed By: Matt Duddy
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