Phil’s 5 Worst Films of 2017

Phil’s 5 Worst Films of 2017

2017: In Review Quick Review Year In Review

So 2017 is almost over and it’s that time a year again where everyone reflects back on their best and worst films of the year.

So first up… the 5 WORST films of 2017.  And, as always, there were quite a few to choose from..

 

Stinker of The Year: Fifty Shades Darker (2017)
In Brief: It’s so bad it’s not even fun. Yup Fifty Shades Darker takes off where 50 Shades Of Grey finished – mostly bad script writing, score core S&M and some Movie Channel poor acting. It’s totally amateur and I’m beyond gobsmacked that they made this film, let alone the upcoming sequel. Lets be honest if a film can beat a Michael Bay Transformers film to Worst film  it’s pretty bad.

 

 

 

2. Transformers The Last Knight
In Brief: Another year this would have romped it home, but few things can beat Fifty Shades in a shit film contest.  That said Hopkins slumming it, more Marky Mark and a pointless nonsensical story get’s pretty close.

 

3. Assassins Creed
In Brief: Video name adaptations don’t come more asinine than this. It’s dull, it’s silly, it makes no sense and you stop caring after a few seconds.

 

4. Underworld Blood War
In Brief:  The Underworld films have always been little more than OKAY but Blood War was a case of flogging a very dead horse.

 

5. The Mummy (2017)
In Brief:  CGI strewn humourless Pants… The Mummy is a hot mess of a film that even the usually robust star power or Cruise couldn’t save. It’s just terrible.

 

6. The Circle – Boring Netflix drivel

7. Power Rangers – Pointless

8. A Cure For Wellness – Pretentious, long and dull

9. Leatherface – A film you didn’t need or want

10. Hacksaw Ridge – Nice to see Mel back but this was just jingoistic war porn.

Dis-Honourable Mentions: King Arthur Legend Of The Sword , Live By Night,  Sing! , The Boss Baby, The Dark Tower , The Limehouse Golem,  Justice League 

 

The 2017 Films I just couldn’t Finish: Sleepless, The Ghoul, The Lost City of Z

Grosse Pointe Geek’s Round Up of 2017

Grosse Pointe Geek’s Round Up of 2017

A Blog Grosse Point Geek
Another year goes by and like very much like 2016 its been a mighty disappointing one for us film geeks.

The blockbuster season (which started in about April) was without doubt the worst i have ever known – littered with remakes, sequels and reboots that proved there is a total lack of any new ideas flowing through Hollywood at the moment. Time and again it seemed that millions of dollars had been simply thrown away on the likes of utter rubbish such The Dark Tower, Valerian, King Arthur and that awful Transformers sequel, with nary a single  passing thought to investing in creating proper stories, decent scripts or even a hint at actual risk taking.  Instead, for the most part  we got nothing more than good looking dross aimed at the 12A moron crowd who wouldn’t know a proper film if it came up and bit them on the arse.

What  is painfully obvious is that the film industry as a whole needs to completely take stock, cease trying to create the next expanded universe or indulging talentless idiots like Roland Emmerich, Michael Bay and (whisper it) Luc Besson and start delivering edgy, daring material that at least has a go at being original, thought provoking and dare i say it  – not solely aimed at the average 12 year old boy, then maybe we would have a chance of far more satisfying years at the cinema than this one turned out to be.

I will concede that it wasn’t all bad as there were a few shining lights. Logan proved to be the best X-Men film since X2, Dunkirk solidified Christopher Nolan as one of the greatest directors working in Hollywood today, Thor Ragnarok was utterly insane and turned out to be the funniest and most enjoyable standalone film of the MCU universe, Fast 8 was great fun and Star Wars The Last Jedi was fantastic, in addition some smaller more independent films also managed to impress  – the likes of Wind River, Manchester By The Sea, Molly’s Game, Lion and A Monster Calls were all top notch. Plus there were some great performances  –  Chris Evans, Andy Serkis, Adam Driver, Jessica Chastain, Mark Rylance  and many others all did very well in challenging and memorable roles that impressed critics and audiences alike.

However, despite this i still have to say that over all this year was sadly a massive let down and one can only hope that 2018 is a significant improvement……we live in hope.

So without further ado please see below my personal list of the good, bad and in many cases very ugly films of 2017.

Top Ten Best

  1. Dunkirk
  2. Thor Ragnarok
  3. Star Wars The Last Jedi
  4. A Monster Calls
  5. Manchester By The Sea
  6. Lion
  7. Spiderman Homecoming
  8. Blade Runner 2049
  9. Logan
  10. War For The Planet of The Apes

Top Ten Honorary Mentions  

  1. Wind River
  2. Molly’s Game
  3. Gifted
  4. Wheelman (catch it on Netflix  – its great)
  5. Fast 8
  6. Hacksaw Ridge
  7. John Wick Chapter 2
  8. Wonder Woman
  9. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2
  10. The Hitman’s Bodyguard

Top Fifteen Worst:

  1. Transformers:The Last Knight (the cinematic equivalent of being disemboweled with a blunt spoon then slowly and choked to death with ones own entrails – I HATED this film)
  2. Underworld 5 (god-awful rubbish)
  3. XXX3: The Return of Xander Cage (at least 15 years out of date, bereft of entertainment value and utterly juvenile to boot)
  4. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (horribly crass, overlong and an insult to the brilliant original)
  5. The Discovery (torpor inducing nonsense)
  6. The Snowman (considering the talent in front and behind the camera it beggared belief as to how rotten this film was)
  7. Ghost In The Shell (boring and bland in the extreme)
  8. Free Fire (crap)
  9. Unlocked (mega crap)
  10. King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword (a misfire and a complete mess of gargantuan proportions)
  11. Silence (Scorsese’s $40 million dollar vanity project that was, without a shadow of a doubt THE most boring cinematic experience I have ever had in my entire life)
  12. The Bye Bye Man (just bad bad bad)
  13. The Dark Tower (a catastrophic waste of time and money  – how this version of Stephen King’s classic novels managed to get the green light from the studio I will never know)
  14. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge (Johnny was good value as always but this moribund franchise needs to end with immediate effect)
  15. Assassins Creed (good looking film but could have been so much better)

Top Fifteen Favorite Performances:

  1. Chris Evans  – Gifted
  2. Mckenna Grace  – Gifted
  3. Hugh Jackman  – Logan
  4. Mark Rylance  – Dunkirk
  5. Ryan Reynolds  – The Hitman’s Bodyguard
  6. Frank Grillo – Wheelman
  7. Jessica Chastain  –  Molly’s Game
  8. Adam Driver  – Star Wars The Last Jedi
  9. Mark Hamill – Star Wars The Last Jedi
  10. Chris Hemsworth – Thor Ragnarok
  11. Jeff Goldblum – Thor Ragnarok
  12. Dwayne Johnson  – Fast 8
  13. Chris Pine – Wonder Woman
  14. Andy Serkis – War For The Planet Of The Apes
  15. Tom Holland – Spiderman Homecoming

Top Ten Best Action Scenes:

1.Star Wars The Last Jedi: The final battle – Chewie and Rey arrive in the Falcon in the nick of time

2.Thor Ragnarok – That god almighty scrap on the Bifrost Bridge – all brilliantly played out to Led Zepellin’s classic Immigrant Song

3.Star Wars The Last Jedi – The Throne Room Lightsabre duel

4.Dunkirk: Tom Hardy’s RAF spitfire pilot desperately tries to bring down a German Bomber before it kills scores of soldiers who are stranded the water plus pleasure boat captain Mr Dawson (Mark Rylance) and his son Peter -total edge of the seat, nail biting stuff –  all together now “Come on Farrier!”

5. Fast 8  – Jason Statham (plus very cute baby) vs an entire plane load of baddies

6. Fast 8 – Dwayne Johnson vs speeding torpedo

7. Wonder Woman – The No Man’s Land dash

8. Spiderman Homecoming  – The Washington Monument rescue sequence

9. Justice League – The League’s first proper battle with Steppenwolf and the Para Demons

10. Thor Ragnarok  – Thor vs The Hulk


Best One liners:

  1. “Im gonna shove your teeth so far down your throat that your gonna have to shove a toothbrush up your ass to clean ’em!”  – Agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) – Fast 8
  2. “Im gonna beat you like a Cherokee drum!” Agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson – again) – Fast 8
  3. “By the beard of Odin you will not cut my hair!”  Thor (Chris Hemsworth) – Thor Ragnarok
  4. “Please kind sir do not cut my hair!”  – Thor (Chris Hemsworth) – Thor Ragnarok
  5. “I have legendarily huge turds”  – Drax (Dave Bautista) – Guardians of The Galaxy Vol 2
  6. “What the F….!!!!!” Aunt May (Marisa Tomei) Spiderman: Homecoming

Right, there we have it – my work here is done for another year  – as ever i would like to thank my dear friend Phil Hobden for letting me contribute to this fantastic website  (despite the fact that he is still remains to be utterly wrong about Paul WS Anderson and The Hobbit Trilogy!) and finally my heartfelt thanks go out to all our loyal readers  (whoever the hell you are)

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a prosperous new year.

My name is Will Strong and i’ve been Grosse Pointe Geek.

Phil’s Top 5… Disappointing films of 2017

Phil’s Top 5… Disappointing films of 2017

Other Cr*p Top 5

Each week Phil, from Phil’s Quick Capsule Review, takes a look at a different movie or TV related Top Five.  This time out:  The Top 5 Disappointing films of 2017

 

5 – The Dark Tower

I dint hate this but in a year that brought us IT and Gerald’s Game, this should have been SO much better.

4 – A Cure for Wellness

Lots of hype.  So little delivery.

3 – War Machine

War Machine just lacked bite.  For a satire it lacked, well Satire.  Pitt was good but the film was just to mainstream.

2 – King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

King Arthur was a mess.  Richie can be hit and miss but the cast, trailer and even concept was great.  But studio messing and a lack of vision just led the final film to be half the film it should have been.

 

1 – The Mummy 

It was never going to be Shawshank but Tom Cruise is usually pretty reliable.  Shame then that film (a “Universe film” that sunk the universe it was set to create) was  total disappointment with a messy script.  One to avoid.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCdV3esMr9M

 

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! FINAL Edition (1st December 2017)

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! FINAL Edition (1st December 2017)

All Things Film Blog Other Cr*p Year In Review

So this is my semi-regularly updated of the BEST and WORST of 2017’s movies, as well as the best films I missed from last year and the Phil’s Quick Capsule Review Sharknado Award.

This will be the LAST Edition until our final end of year Wrap up.

All in my very humble opinion…

 

BEST Films Of 2017… So Far:

  1. Baby Driver (9/10)
  2. T2 Trainspotting (9/10)
  3. Paddington 2 (9/10)
  4. Raw (9/10)
  5. OJ: Made In America (9/10)

Honourable Mentions:

Blade Runner 2049 (8/10), La La Land (8/10), IT 2017 (8/10); Thor: Ragnarok (8/10), Shot Caller (8/10); Dunkirk (8/10), Spider-Man Homecoming (8/10), Logan (8/10), Prevenge  (8/10), Logan Lucky (8/10), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (8/10), Counterpunch (8/10), Jawbone (8/10), Silence (8/10), Hidden Figures (8/10), War For The Plant of The Apes (7/10), Wheelman (7/10), Happy Death Day (7/10)

 

WORST Films Of 2017… So Far:

 

  1. Fifty Shades Darker (2/10)
  2. Transformers The Last Knight (2/10)
  3. Sleepless (3/10)
  4. Assassins Creed (3/10)
  5. Underworld Blood War (4/10)

 

Dis-Honourable Mentions:

The Mummy (4/10), The Circle (4/10), Power Rangers (4/10), A Cure For Wellness (4/10), Gaga: Five Foot Two (4/10), Leatherface (4/10), Hacksaw Ridge (5/10), King Arthur Legend Of The Sword (5/10), Live By Night (5/10), Sing! (5/10), The Boss Baby (5/10), The Dark Tower (5/10), The Limehouse Golem (5/10), Justice League (5/10)

 

The 2017 Sharknado Award for Films So Good (!) They Cant Be Rated:  

2 Lava 2 Lantula & Sharknado 5: Global Swarming 

 


The 2017 Films I just couldn’t Finish…

 The Ghoul, The Lost City of Z

Great Films Of 2016 That I saw In 2017:

The Edge Of Seventeen, The Girl With All The Gifts, Train To Busan, Deepwater Horizon, Kubo & The Two Strings, Sing Street, Hunt For The Wilderpeople, 13th,  I Daniel Blake

 

 

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! 5th Edition (12th October 2017)

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! 5th Edition (12th October 2017)

Quick Review Year In Review

So this is my semi-regularly updated of the BEST and WORST of 2017’s movies, as well as the best films I missed from last year and the Phil’s Quick Capsule Review Sharknado Award.  All in my very humble opinion…

 

BEST Films Of 2017… So Far:

  1. Baby Driver (9/10)
  2. T2 Trainspotting (9/10)
  3. Raw (9/10)
  4. OJ: Made In America (9/10)
  5. Blade Runner 2049 (8/10)

Honourable Mentions:

La La Land (8/10), IT 2017 (8/10); Shot Caller (8/10); Dunkirk (8/10), Spider-Man Homecoming (8/10), Logan (8/10), Prevenge  (8/10), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (8/10), Counterpunch (8/10), Get Out (8/10), Jawbone (8/10), Silence (8/10), Hidden Figures (8/10), War For The Plant of The Apes (7/10)

 

WORST Films Of 2017… So Far:

 

  1. Fifty Shades Darker (2/10)
  2. Transformers The Last Knight (2/10)
  3. Sleepless (3/10)
  4. Assassins Creed (3/10)
  5. Underworld Blood War (4/10)

 

Dis-Honourable Mentions:

The Mummy (4/10), The Circle (4/10), Power Rangers (4/10), A Cure For Wellness (4/10), Gaga: Five Foot Two (4/10), Hacksaw Ridge (5/10), King Arthur Legend Of The Sword (5/10), Live By Night (5/10), Sing! (5/10), The Boss Baby (5/10)

 

The 2017 Sharknado Award for Films So Good (!) They Cant Be Rated:  

2 Lava 2 Lantula & Sharknado 5: Global Swarming 

 

Great Films Of 2016 That I saw In 2017:

The Edge Of Seventeen, The Girl With All The Gifts, Train To Busan, Deepwater Horizon, Kubo & The Two Strings, Sing Street, Hunt For The Wilderpeople, 13th,  I Daniel Blake

 

 

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! 4th Edition (July 28th 2017)

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! 4th Edition (July 28th 2017)

Quick Review Year In Review

So this is my semi-regularly updated of the BEST and WORST of 2017’s movies, as well as the best films I missed from last year and the Phil’s Quick Capsule Review Sharknado Award.  All in my very humble opinion…

 

BEST Films Of 2017… So Far:

  1. Baby Driver (9/10)
  2. T2 Trainspotting (9/10)
  3. Raw (9/10)
  4. OJ Made In America (9/10)
  5. La La Land (8/10)

Honourable Mentions:

Dunkirk (8/10), Spider-Man Homecoming (8/10), Logan (8/10), Prevenge  (8/10), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (8/10), Counterpunch (8/10), Get Out (8/10), Jawbone (8/10), Silence (8/10), Hidden Figures (8/10), War For The Plant of The Apes (7/10), Wonder Woman (7/10),

 

WORST Films Of 2017… So Far:

 

  1. Fifty Shades Darker (2/10)
  2. Sleepless (2/10)
  3. Assassins Creed (3/10)
  4. Underworld Blood War (4/10)
  5. The Mummy  (4/10)

 

Dis-Honourable Mentions:

The Circle (4/10), Power Rangers (4/10), A Cure For Wellness (4/10), Hacksaw Ridge (5/10), King Arthur Legend Of The Sword (5/10), Live By Night (5/10), Sing! (5/10), The Boss Baby (5/10)

 

The 2017 Sharknado Award for Films So Good (!) They Cant Be Rated:  

2 Lava 2 Lantula 

 

Great Films Of 2016 That I saw In 2017:

The Edge Of Seventeen, The Girl With All The Gifts, Train To Busan, Deepwater Horizon, Kubo & The Two Strings, Sing Street, Hunt For The Wilderpeople, 13th,  I Daniel Blake

 

 

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! 3rd Edition (June 2017)

Phil’s Best & Worst of 2017… So Far! 3rd Edition (June 2017)

Quick Review Year In Review

So this is my semi-regularly updated of the BEST and WORST of 2017’s movies, as well as the best films I missed from last year and the Phil’s Quick Capsule Review Sharknado Award.  All in my very humble opinion…

 

BEST Films Of 2017… So Far:

 

  1. T2 Trainspotting (9/10)
  2. OJ Made In America (9/10)
  3. La La Land (8/10)
  4. Logan (8/10)
  5. Prevenge  (8/10)

Honourable Mentions: Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (8/10), Get Out (8/10), Silence (8/10), Hidden Figures (8/10), Fast & Furious 8 Aka Fate Of The Furious (7/10), Wonder Woman (7/10), The Founder (7/10), XXX: Return Of Xander Cage (7/10), Ghost In The Shell (7/10), Alien Covenant (7/10)

 

WORST Films Of 2017… So Far:

 

  1. Fifty Shades Darker (2/10)
  2. Sleepless (2/10)
  3. Assassins Creed (3/10)
  4. Underworld Blood War (4/10)
  5. Hacksaw Ridge (5/10)

 

Dis-Honourable Mentions: King Arthur Legend Of The Sword (5/10), Live By Night (5/10), Sing! (5/10)

 

The 2017 Sharknado Award for Films So Good (!) They Cant Be Rated:  

2 Lava 2 Lantula 

 

Great Films Of 2016 That I saw In 2017:

The Edge Of Seventeen, The Girl With All The Gifts, Train To Busan, Deepwater Horizon, Kubo & The Two Strings, Sing Street, Hunt For The Wilderpeople, 13th,  I Daniel Blake

 

 

Phil’s Best To Worst: Guy Richie Films

Phil’s Best To Worst: Guy Richie Films

Best... Other Cr*p

In our latest regular feature, coming out the first Friday of each month, Phil (of Phil’s Quick Capsule Review) breaks down a film related subject in order of his own personal enjoyment from Best To Worst.  This time out: Guy Richie Films! 

[divider]

Best: Lock, Sock And Two Smoking Barrels

Lock, Stock is a near flawless film. It’s also one of the best film debut’s and one of the best British films ever made.  Yes it’s that good.  From Moran’s faultless Eddy to impressive debuts of Statham & Vinnie Jones.

——

2. Snatch

Whilst not QUITE hitting the highs of Lock, Stock Snatch is a fun slice of quotable British gangster fun.  Alan Ford is a real stand out, but it’s Brad Pitt that steals the show.

——

3. Rock N Rolla

Often forgotten in the pantheon of Guy Richie films, RockNRolla is good fun and a more mature gangster film than either Lock, Stock or Snatch.  Great cast, good script… shame we are still awaiting for the promised return nearly ten years later!

——

4. Sherlock Holmes

Robert Downey Jnr is a great Holmes, Jude Law gets his teeth into Watson and the set pieces are bold and silly.  I enjoyed this a lot.

——

5. The Man From U.N.C.L.E

Take the Sherlock Holmes vibe, mix in a mostly forgotten TV show and add a dash of two handsome leads and you have the messy but enjoyable Man From Uncle.

——

6. Sherlock Holmes : A Game Of Shadows

In hindsight this film wasn’t quite 7/10 I originally rated it.  On second viewing sadly it lost a lot and certainly is the lesser of Richie’s post gangster films.

——

7. King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword 

A hot mess of a film that can be both rushed and boring.  Think Lock, Stock and One Smoking Jude Law. Not a total bomb but also not great either

——

8. Revolver 

A Kabala influenced mess, Revolver is only for the hardcore Guy Richie fans.

——

Worst : Slipped Away 

I’m married to Madonna. Lets make a film with Madonna.  Oh.  She cant act. Awkward.

——

King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword  – A Quick Capsule Review

King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword – A Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Aka Lock, Stock And One Smoking Jude Law.  A hot mess of a film for sure, King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword ranges from nearly brilliant to boring, often in the same sequence.  It’s what happens when you cross Lock Stock, Assassins Creed, Game Of Thrones, Excalibur, Lord Of The Rings and some insane fever dream.  It’s a loud, messy, confused film that at times manages to feel rushed yet drags often enough to have me checking my watch more than a few times.  The cast are odd- Charlie Hunnam (who was great in TV’s Sons Of Anarchy) isn’t strong enough to save what at times is a terrible script and often looks a bit embarrassed, whilst Law needed to dial it up a bit.  Richie is having fun (at least someone is)  and the soundtrack is a highlight but I can’t help feel that there was a really good idea here that could have done with a far better script to make it work.  So a failure for sure but one not without it’s moments…

Best Bit: Mastering the sword…

Buy, Stream, Avoid: Stream

If You Liked this Try: Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings

IMDB Rating: 

 

Author: Phil Hobden