Exodus Gods And Kings (2014) – A Revisited Not-So Quick Capsule Review

Exodus Gods And Kings (2014) – A Revisited Not-So Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

So Ridley Scott’s latest… well to save you time (both in reading this review and watching this film) it joins a VERY small list of films I couldn’t actually finish.  Yup with a planner full of Justin’s, House Of Cards and, frankly, watching point dry as alternatives I gave up at just over an hour and a quarter.

However in lieu of a review of the full film, this is what I have learnt from what I managed to endure:

1) All Egyptians are camper than Julian Clary at a camping exhibition on national be camp day.

2) Every-time a Hebrew speaks I keep expecting dialogue from Life Of Brian to come out. Yes it’s that badly mounted at times.

3) It looks amazing. Computers can sure make an impressive looking film. Sadly however as you know nothing is real in the film and everything is CGI (maybe even Bale’s beard?) I keep trying to grab my PS4 remote to start playing the game then remember it’s actually a film and I haven’t just been watching cut scenes. This is disappointing. 

4) ALL Ridley Scott films MUST start with Basil Exposition captions. It’s the law. 

5) There are no mirrors in Ancient Egypt. If there were, Moses would clearly be able to see he looks nothing like a fucking Egyptian and therefore when he is told he is in fact Hebrew he, like everyone else watching, should be able to go ” Duh! No shit! Do I look like one of them?”. This could make the film about an hour shorter. 

6) John Turturro is a terrible actor. This is only JUST a step up from his appearances in Transformers. He should now retire safe in the knowledge that anything good he once did has now been forgotten. Much like Rolph Harris. 

7) Egyptians seem to have accents ranging from what I assume is Egyptian, to American, to British American to I have no god damn idea what accent Turturro was doing.  This is Russell Crowe in Robin Hood all over again but with a whole cast instead.

8) Time jumps from meeting someone to getting married in the NEXT SHOT just doesn’t work at all. Then to do it again seconds later and he has kids? Criminal.

9) Alien and to a lesser extend Blade Runner were flukes. Ridley Scott is a hack.

10) Prometheus 2 should now be avoided at all costs. As should this.

 


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Infernal Affairs (2002) – A Quick Capsule Review

Infernal Affairs (2002) – A Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Infernal Affairs deserves its reputation as a modern Asian cinema classic, a film best known in the Western world for being remade by Scorsese and finally winning him the Academy award.  Infernal Affairs is a much more paired done and tighter telling of the story and whilst its lacks the star power of The Departed, the film is a tight, tense and well crafted cop thriller that stands along side some of Asian cinema’s best.  Yet oddly (and probably criminally in many people’s minds) I prefer the remake.  It’s baggier, less disciplined for sure but the combination of cast, director and expectation just win out for me.

Best Bit: Roof Top

Buy, Stream, Avoid: Buy

If You Liked this Try: The Departed, The Shield (TV), Infernal Affairs 2

 


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BlacKkKlansman (2018) – A Quick Capsule Review

BlacKkKlansman (2018) – A Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
BlacKkKlansman tells a fascinating story in a very uneven way.  The issue here is that Spike Lee can’t decide if the film is a arthouse movie, a comedy or a serious historical document and the end result is that tonally the film is a bit of a mess which ultimately robs it of its power. The performances are great (this said Adam Driver still seems to play every character the same) and Lee’s direction is polished but I honestly think there’s a better film to be made here.

Best Bit: Bang!

Buy, Stream, Avoid: Stream

If You Liked this Try: Do The Right Thing, Malcolm X, Insider Man 

 


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Sunshine On Leith (2013) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Sunshine On Leith (2013) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Well that was  a surprise… a musical based on the works of The Proclaimers (whose music I detest as a general rule) not only managed to be charming and funny but also made me actually want to buy their music.  More over Sunshine On Leith, full of great choreography, charing performances and a heart missing from modern day filming,  ended up as probably one of the top ten films of 2013.  Who saw that coming?  Highly recommended.

Best Bit: 500 Miles.

Rent, Borrow, Buy, Stream: Buy

If you liked this try: Little Shop Of Horrors, Blues Brothers, Rocky Horror Picture Show

 

Rating:

 


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Podcast: The Smoking Lamb #092 – I, Tonya

Podcast: The Smoking Lamb #092 – I, Tonya

The Podcasts The Smoking Lamb Podcast

It’s The Smoking Lamb Movie Podcast. A weekly, no-holds-baa-aa-arred, and R-rated look at the world of movies.

On this episode: Sorry guys, after a hick up with the recording episode 092 was lost. However, Sooz came to our rescue with a review of I, Tonya! Enjoy and we hope that this mess won’t happen again.

Check it out and BLEAT THE WORLD and don’t forget to follow up on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

#TheSmokingLamb #MoviePodcasts #Podcasts #FilmPodcast

 

Blog: All Things Film – Exodus Gods And Kings Reviewed (Well Kinda)

Uncategorized

So Ridley Scott’s latest… well to save you time (both in reading this review and watching this film) it joins a VERY small list of films I couldn’t actually finish.  Yup with a planner full of Justin’s, House Of Cards and, frankly, watching point dry as alternatives I gave up at just over an hour and a quarter.

However in lieu of a review of the full film, this is what I have learnt from what I managed to endure:

1) All Egyptians are camper than Julian Clary at a camping exhibition on national be camp day.

2) Every-time a Hebrew speaks I keep expecting dialogue from Life Of Brian to come out. Yes it’s that badly mounted at times.

3) It looks amazing. Computers can sure make an impressive looking film. Sadly however as you know nothing is real in the film and everything is CGI (maybe even Bale’s beard?) I keep trying to grab my PS4 remote to start playing the game then remember it’s actually a film and I haven’t just been watching cut scenes. This is disappointing. 

4) ALL Ridley Scott films MUST start with Basil Exposition captions. It’s the law. 

5) There are no mirrors in Ancient Egypt. If there were, Moses would clearly be able to see he looks nothing like a fucking Egyptian and therefore when he is told he is in fact Hebrew he, like everyone else watching, should be able to go ” Duh! No shit! Do I look like one of them?”. This could make the film about an hour shorter. 

6) John Turturro is a terrible actor. This is only JUST a step up from his appearances in Transformers. He should now retire safe in the knowledge that anything good he once did has now been forgotten. Much like Rolph Harris. 

7) Egyptians seem to have accents ranging from what I assume is Egyptian, to American, to British American to I have no god damn idea what accent Turturro was doing.  This is Russell Crowe in Robin Hood all over again but with a whole cast instead.

8) Time jumps from meeting someone to getting married in the NEXT SHOT just doesn’t work at all. Then to do it again seconds later and he has kids? Criminal.

9) Alien and to a lesser extend Blade Runner were flukes. Ridley Scott is a hack.

10) Prometheus 2 should now be avoided at all costs. As should this.

Author: Phil Hobden

 

To hear more on this review (and others like it) make sure you download the Filmsploitation podcast, part of the All Things Film network. 

Review: The Motel Life (Cinema)

Review: The Motel Life (Cinema)

Other Cr*p Uncategorized

The Review: I love it when the title of a film aptly sums up precisely how thrilling and entertaining the experience of sitting through it is like. Take The terminator, for examples, or perhaps even Twelve Angry Men (and RoboCop) – those two titles tell you what’s going to happen; gear you up for a giddy ride.
Then there’s shite like The Motel Life starring Emile Hirsch and Stephen Dorff, which does precisely the same. Only don’t be fooled by the title this time around; The Motel Life is much, much more boring.

The aforementioned superstars play brothers – in childhood they’re approximately the same age, and now in adulthood, it seems Dorff has gained about fifteen years on his sibling. A quick trip to the iMDB informs us that Dorff is a clear decade older than Hirsch. But it gets better – Hirsch is a clear decade older than his love interest played by Dakota Fanning, who for all intents and purposes (and especially in the America) is not quite at the requisite age yet for having been dumped a while ago by this loser and considering taking him back.

But anyway, I digress. The Mote Life is directionless twadlle. Dorff hits and kills a youngster with his dumpster truck – or something – and dumps the body on a frozen river and legs it. He tells his brother, and they decide to flee. But dickhead Dorff throws his toys out of his pram, feels sorry for himself, and shoots himself in the leg. His amputee leg. Oh dear.

In the hospital, and the cops are getting wise. Dorff now needs Hirsch to rescue him. I know, this all sounds like a Fargo-ish crime thriller, right?

WRONG.

This is dreary, slow-paced utter buffoonery which brings about memories of films far richer, certainly better written and infinitely more enjoyable than this pretentious piece of twattery. I rarely use the word “pretentious” around these here parts because it’s often misused. But here, I mean it sincerely. All this ‘action’ is punctuated by fatal halts in the ‘narrative’ flow to include animations of stories being told by Hirsch to…. well, whichever character will listen. This is a slam dunk deadbolt in the gears of a movie that has real trouble gargling its engine to roll past the 80 minute run time.

Dakota Fanning is haphazardly miscast as the love interest – but fair dos, she’s so underused anyway, it barely seems to matter. Hirsch on numerous occasions has eye drops bled into his tear ducts just before the directors shout action to ensure the tears are real. Dorff is… God knows what he is, but he is ‘it’ and then some. Annoying, I think is the word. It’d be quite fair to align The Motel Life to Of Mice and Men in more than a number of ways. My God this film is mind-numbingly tedious.

And this narcoleptic hogwash needed TWO directors? Ha. Yeah – one to read the newspaper, and the other to hold it up for him, no doubt. Yawn.

 

Reviewed By: Andrew MacKay

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Review: Philomena (DVD/BR)

Review: Philomena (DVD/BR)

Other Cr*p Uncategorized

The Review: Of all the films I missed last year during time of theatrical release, the one I most regret not getting around to was Philomena. I’ve now had the opportunity to catch it – and now, the regret is slightly stronger. Director Stephen Frears and co-writer/producer/star Steve Coogan have produced, rather unexpectedly, one of the UK’s most touching, engaging and humble movies of last year.

It’s a story known to most, so I’m told. Martin Sixsmith – a journalist previously at the BBC – is ousted by the firm due to a minor controversy and finds himself without a job, and no story. A chance meeting with a drinks server at a function leads Martin to this woman’s mother – Philomena – a septuagenarian Irish woman who’s reliving the memory of her abandoned baby. Today is the child’s birthday. Back in 1955, Philomena accidentally fell pregnant to an unfortunate bout of lust with a chiselled hunk who, literally, took her round the back of the carnival. Enslaved, as it surely looks, her newborn boy is born and fairly shortly thereafter sold to a rich American couple while she served the remainder of her sins in the Catholic prison her and so many of her peers would slog through before released into the wild.
It doesn’t seem to have rocked her world *that* much, personality-wise.

Dame Judi Dench plays Philomena perfectly; accent and all. She’ll probably remind you of your own mother. She certainly attaches herself to Sixsmith in this manner. This is the first time Coogan has been onscreen with nary a nod to his successful alter ego Alan Partridge – in a year, it must be said – where Alpha Papa was released. The two embark on a quest to locate her son. It will take them back to the nunnery and, then, to Washington DC to hunt him down. It ends up not at all where you would expect. For a while now I had thought maybe Sixsmith would turn out to be the son after all. Nope, not really. But not completely untrue, either.

There’s not much point going into plot details from this point on. This is a true story – and a story which ended up as a cautionary tale in book form from Sixsmith. It’s fair to say he nabbed two separate pieces of work from this one engagement – and it’s produced a wonderful charming and heart-warming movie.

In a lot of crucial ways, “Philomena” depends solely on the chemistry between the eponymous character and her new journalist friend. Frears takes every opportunity to counterbalance this fuzzy, warm glow that emerges throughout, and finally cultivated to near-perfection toward the end. Anyone on the outskirts, such as Sixsmith’s deadly hardened female bitch editor, is not seen as a credible threat because, as the relationship grows, so too does any financial or journalistic imperative start to dissipate. It’s not often a movie is successful in pulling this off, but here it flourishes. Even the startled flashbacks to the days of yore, starring an uncanny Sophie Kennedy Clark as a teenaged Judi Dench, work really well.

It’s now hard to say why I am awarding the mark I am giving – so far everything is heading for a bombastically high score. Overall, the film is guilty of tugging a little too hard on the heartstrings in a number of places. But, given the running time, it can be lightly forgiven. Philomena is a snappy, fuzzy little film full of charming and comedic moments.

 

Reviewed By: Andrew Mackay

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Review: Better Living Through Chemistry  (Cinema, USA)

Review: Better Living Through Chemistry (Cinema, USA)

Other Cr*p Uncategorized

The Review: I prefer Sam Rockwell to Owen Wilson, and I am pretty sure most people feel the same way. Quite why first time writing and directing team Geoff Moore and David Posamentier have instructed Rockwell to carry off his best Owen Wilson impersonation is beyond me. This is not the same Rockwell we saw in The Way Way Back which, when held against Better Living Through Chemistry, seems Oscar-worthy.

Small-time pharmacist Doug Varney has recently bought out a pharmacy in a small, sleepy suburban town somewhere in the States. He’s married to a God-awful fitness instructor bitch, played by Michelle Monaghan and spends his life under the thumb of both her and his chubby twelve year-old son Evan who’s going through the usual pubescent naughtiness at school. Noah (played by Coffeetown’s Ben Schwartz) is a hirsute nitwit occasionally employed at the pharmacy to run deliveries. He’s not very good at it. So, late one night, Varney has to make the deliveries which sees him at the doorstep of the mansion belonging to Elizabeth Roberts (Olivia Wilde) who’s a pill-popping, stay-at-home trophy wife. She lets him in, and the pushover becomes seduced.

For long stretches of the ninety minute run time, the movie goes nowhere. Sure, it looks absolutely fantastic; the idyllic ‘burbs are marvelously captured on screen and are a vibrant, pastel-coloured treat. You’re probably wondering what happens next. Well, nothing much to speak of. And this is the problem.

Better Living Through Chemistry has no real clue as to what it wants to be. It’s hinted at that Liz and Varney may escape and run off together, but we sit in befuddlement as to Varney’s preoccupation with his truant son – can he leave him behind? And so, the film side-steps to tackle that issue by including a strange sub-plot seeing him and his son dress up as ninjas and throwing ninja stars at the pharmacy under cover of night. Then we’re back at the pharmacy where Varney starts to get high on his own supply of pills, on the advice of the legal-junkie Elizabeth. It’s then mooted that perhaps Liz and Varney may feed her always-absent millionaire husband a fatal concoction of pills so she can become a widow and run off with Varney elsewhere. But then Varney is too weak to succumb, or too off his tits to consider it seriously.

And the worst offence, here? A glum, gravelly-voiced female narrator tells us what everyone is thinking, despite us having sat through the bleedin’ obvious. It is later revealed that it is Jane Fonda providing the narration, who pops up in the closing scene as a customer. Who is this character? How did she know about them? It’s just a mess.

None of this gels in quite the way Moore and Posamentier probably thought it would. What we’re left with is a directionless, meandering and weak pretty-looking mess. I’d say those attributes can also be attributed to Olivia Wilde – here with blonde hair – but she’s so delectable and gorgeous, I’m not sure I can accuse her of ruining the story; if anything, she livens up the whole affair.

Better Living Through Chemistry was financed, in part, by and Ealing studios offshoot. Sure, this has the blueprint of an Ealing comedy along the lines of The Ladykillers and A Fish Called Wanda. When the think of the last title, we think of ideas way above its station; has she enlisted Varney to murder her husband, and then she can leg it with the money? Can a beautiful woman like that really develop feelings for a loser like him? Or, maybe we consider the potential for a Fargo-lite suspense thriller where the murder goes wrong? Nope – in trying to be both, it ends up being neither.

 

Reviewed By: Andrew Mackay

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Drinking Buddies: A Quick Capsule Review

Drinking Buddies: A Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Drinking Buddies strong point is it’s performances.  Convincing to a fault, tho story of two couples who may or may not be falling in and out of love with each other never fails to convince you.  What it does fail in is putting it all down into a satisfying narrative.  It’s not bad, but at times ponderous and direction less even with such a tight run time.   That’s not to say it’s a boring film, but with a little better central narrative this could have been great rather than good.

Best Bit: Like I said, performances all the way

Rent, Borrow, Buy, Stream: Stream

IMDB Rating: 

If you liked this try: Empire Records (8/10); Chasing Amy (8/10); Coffee Town (5/10)