Phil’s 5 Worst Films of 2016

Phil’s 5 Worst Films of 2016

2016: In Review Quick Review Year In Review

So 2016 is almost over and it’s that time a year again where everyone reflects back on their best and worst films of the year.

So first up… the 5 WORST film of 2016.  And there were quite a few to choose from..

Stinker of The Year: Point Break (2016)
In Brief: A film that had no purpose to exist.  Point Break touched on hallow ground for me so it would have to be pretty special for me to like it.  This film wasn’t.  In fact it totally sucked. Whilst the original was sharp, smart and exciting this remake is by the numbers, dull and worst of all made no sense. A bomb, critical failure and a mess.

 

 

2. Central Intelligence
In Brief: Neither funny or action packed, the first bomb the Rock has ever made.  Yes Central Intelligence is a film that the Rock can’t save.

3. London Has Fallen
In Brief: Other films scored worse but after the Top 5 film that was Olympus Has fallen, London Has Fallen was SUCH a come down that it, on reflection, rated as one of 2016’s worst films.

4. Inferno
In Brief: Oh Dear.  Ron Howard drops a total bollock with this horrid film.  Witness some of the worst dialogue ever put on screen with Tom Hanks worst performance.  Utter tosh.

5. Jason Bourne 
In Brief:  It’s almost criminal that a Bourne film could be this bad, especially as it reunites Greengrass and Damon. It was just dull.

6. Kickboxer Vengeance
7. The 5th Wave

8. The Girl On The Train 
9.  Cabin Fever
10. 31

 

Dis-Honourable Mentions: Divergent Allegiant, Triple 9, Bastille Day, The Mechanic Resurrection, Independence Day Resurgence, Dad’s Army

 

Grosse Point Geek – 2016 In Review (And a look to 2017)

Grosse Point Geek – 2016 In Review (And a look to 2017)

A Blog Grosse Point Geek Year In Review

2016 – in short, a terrible year for big movies – in fact i struggle to remember another time where the Hollywood studios produced so many blockbuster films as badly made, boring, and lacking in imagination as what we were subjected to over the last 12 months.

To begin with were subjected endless numbers of superhero films  – one of which (Captain America: Civil War) was so contrived it was painful, then there were the dull and at times terrible sequels to long dead franchises (ID4:2 Jason Bourne, The Huntsman, Blair Witch), crap comedies (Bad Moms) iffy fantasies (Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children) shoddy remakes (Point Break) and yet another godawful game to film adaptation (Warcraft).

Mercifully there were some shining lights among the inky darkness – mostly for which we have to thank the many smaller budgeted productions, such as Room, The Nice Guys, Hell or High Water, Spotlight etc. These were the films that probably struggled to get made for years because the likes of Michael Bay, Roland Emmerich and the other sell outs were hoovering up all the money that the studios could throw at them, just so they could vomit their shoddy, franchise prolonging, zero imagination celluloid turds on Joe Public – bastards.

To be fair though not all the biggies were rubbish  – Star Trek Beyond was pretty good, so was The Revenant, Deadpool was awesome,  Creed rocked, London Has Fallen and Doctor Strange were great fun  and Rogue One completely blew us all away to become one of the best entries in the Star Wars franchise since Return Of The Jedi.

So here it is then – my rundown of the best and worst of 2016 and a look at what I think will be worth seeing next year.

 

Top 10 best films of 2016

  1. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
  2. Room
  3. Deadpool
  4. Creed
  5. Spotlight
  6. Eddie The Eagle
  7. Arrival
  8. Eye In The Sky
  9. The Magnificent Seven
  10. London Has Fallen (i’m gonna burn in hell for that one)

Top 15 Honorary mentions of 2016

 

  1. Doctor Strange
  2. Hell or High Water
  3. The Nice Guys
  4. A Street Cat Named Bob
  5. Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice
  6. Ghostbusters
  7. Conjuring 2
  8. Purge: Election Year
  9. Ben Hur
  10. The Revenant
  11. Jungle Book
  12. Star Trek Beyond
  13. The Siege Of Jadotville
  14. Bridget Jones Baby
  15. Midnight Special
The Top Ten Performances of 2016
  1. Brie Larson (Room)
  2. Jacob Tremblay (Room)
  3. Felicity Jones (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story)
  4. Benedict Cumberbach (Doctor Strange)
  5. Ben Affleck (Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice)
  6. Luke Treadaway (A Streetcat Named Bob)
  7. Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool)
  8. Mark Ruffalo (Spotlight)
  9. Sylvester Stallone (Creed)
  10. Alan Rickman (Eye In The Sky)
The Top ten Best Action Scenes/on screen fights of 2016
  1. That utterly incredible, pant wettingly brilliant last 20 minutes of Rogue One – ive seen it twice now and i still cant believe it.
  2. The monumental, bullet riddled arse kicking that Gerard Butler and The SAS throw the terrorists in the climax to London has Fallen.
  3. Will Smith (guns and all) vs the Meta-Human mutants – Suicide Squad (i hasten to add it was that films one saving grace)
  4. Wonder Woman, Batman and Superman’s big face off against Doomsday in Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice.
  5. The edge of the seat finale to Eye In The Sky
  6. Little Jack’s escape from the room – Room
  7. The one take, no edit boxing match – Creed
  8. Leonardo DiCaprio vs The Bear  – The Revenant
  9. The Chariot Race  – Ben Hur
  10. The big finale – Magnificent Seven
Grosse Pointe Geek’s 2016 Hero of The Year
Gareth Edwards –  for finally giving us the Star Wars film we’ve all been waiting for with Rogue One – well done my son.

The Top Five Biggest Disappointments of 2016

  1. X-Men: Apocalypse (someone needs to grab this franchise and give it a bloody good shake)
  2. Suicide Squad (one of the best trailers of the year – just a shame it couldn’t translate into a better film – God this one had SO much potential!)
  3. Bone Tomahawk (how in the hell a western featuring Kurt Russell as sheriff going up against a bunch of psychopathic cave men could end up so dull beggars belief)
  4. 10 Cloverfield Place (another brilliant trailer  -and a complete sell out of an ending)
  5. The Hateful Eight (undoubtedly well made but Tarantino disappeared up his own arse with this one)

The Top ten Worst Films of 2016

  1. Independence Day: Resurgence (a message to Roland Emmerich –  Dear Roland, i and every film geek on the planet sincerely hope that you and Dean Devlin rot in the pit of direct to dvd hell for the rest of your miserable careers – yours sincerely – The Film going public)
  2. Warcraft (a CGI monstrosity and a complete steaming dung pile of a film)
  3. Hardcore Henry (i hated this so much i thought i was going to need therapy)
  4. Bad Moms (i’ve had more fun cleaning cat puke off the kitchen floor than i did watching this)
  5. Allegiant (a franchise killer that deserved to be the gigantic flop that it was)
  6. Point Break (pointless remake and an insult to the original -all i can say is that Patrick Swayze must be turning in his grave)
  7. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (good idea, utterly crap film)
  8. Gods Of Egypt (so laughably bad i cant believe it got a cinema release)
  9. Bastille Day (probably the most unoriginal and most torturous to watch “action” film i’ve ever had the displeasure to sit through)
  10. Blair Witch (total pants  – scariest movie of the decade my distended arse)

 

and finally..Will’s 2017 most anticipated films:

  • Star War Episode 8
  • Guardians of The Galaxy Volume 2
  • Wonder Woman
  • Justice League
  • The Mummy
  • Kong: Skull Island
  • Manchester By The Sea
  • Geostorm
  • Ready Player One
  • Spiderman Homecoming
  • Thor Ragnarok
  • Blade Runner 2049
  • Alien: Covenant
  • War For The Planet Of The Apes
  • Dunkirk
  • John Wick Chapter 2
  • Fate of The Furious (aka Fast 8)
  • Logan

 

So there we are  – my round up of 2016, overall a pretty poor year  – still never mind, Rogue One and the smaller films did alot to make up for it plus 2017 is looking very good indeed. As ever id like to thank anyone and  everyone who read my reviews (whoever you are!) and visited this fantastic website, plus a big thanks to the illustrious Mr Phillip Hobden for continuing to let me vent my spleen upon the movie going world.

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous new year

 

My name is Will Strong and I’ve been Grosse Pointe Geek.

 

Author: Will Strong aka Grosse Point Geek

 

Bastille Day – A Quick Capsule Review

Bastille Day – A Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Okay so when you put three actors best known for their TV works in a movie together, add in a director bet known for making smaller independent films and give them all the budget of an average episode of Spooks to play with you get… well… a rather boring, slow paced film.  Sadly.  What should have been a Taken style European lean action film in the vein of the Luc Besson produced Eurocorp films, ends up being a TV episode of a show I don’t really care about with three Brits all attacking variously unsuccessful versions of American accents.  The action is infrequent, the twists predictable and the story done before.  All in all not much to see here…

Best Bit: The accents for all the wrong reasons

Buy, Stream, Avoid: Avoid

If You Liked this Try: Taken, Lucy, The Transporter

IMDB Rating: 

 

Author: Phil Hobden

Blog: Grosse Point Geek – Bastille Day

Blog: Grosse Point Geek – Bastille Day

A Blog Grosse Point Geek Uncategorized

An expert pickpocket (Richard Madden) finds himself  the chief suspect in a terrorist bomb attack on Paris. His only hope is a  tough maverick CIA agent played by Idris Elba whozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………..Oh sorry about that – i must have drifted off whilst trying to recall this films staggeringly unoriginal plot and muster any motivation to write this review.

Putting it bluntly, Bastille Day is one of those movies that is so  generic and utterly by the numbers that its a wonder that it ever saw the inside of a cinema in the first place . Catastrophically failing on EVERY level to be even remotely interesting, engaging, or exciting it could of featured just about any action star on the planet (Van Damme, Seagal or Lundgren could have easily been in it and no one would have noticed) and then quietly been sent to the Tesco/Asda  dvd bargain bin and never seen again.
But instead we have a  bad tempered, grunting  Idris Elba playing an American version of John Luther in a plot mostly lifted from Die Hard 3, all the while being marshalled by a clearly  out-of-his-depth director who is obviously (and desperately) trying to  invoke treasured memories of Lethal Weapon  and Taken but instead manages to create completely flat  set pieces , boring gun fights, crap car chases and hideously uninspiring fisticuffs – and as any fool knows  – this aint the done thing when it comes to action films.
The only praise i can give to this debacle is reserved solely for Richard Madden who is actually quite good and proves an actor of quite considerable range in what is (like the film itself) a very generic sidekick role.
To say the least i am heartily sick and tired of studios trying to reinvent the wheel when it comes to films like this  – indeed if they are going to continuously go down that well trodden path ,then for God’s sake, take several lashings of  inspiration from the likes of Sly and Arnie,  get a decent script, a half talented director and  throw in a bit of good old fashioned bone crunching violence  – it really is that simple!
Oh yes – before i forget this film does have one highlight – that of big Idris “singing” the closing credits song  -an ear mutilating noise that  sounded like Lee Marvin, a grizzly bear and a big bag of gravel being churned up in a cement mixer.
I am now off to watch my newly bought Force Awakens Blu Ray and try and forget that i ever saw this  steaming pile of celluloid vomit.

 
Author: Will Strong