Noah (2014) – A Revisited Quick Capsule Review

Noah (2014) – A Revisited Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Or No!Ugh! as I shall now call it.  Look… lets be honest director Aronofsky  deserves credit for taking the biblical story and adding his own… interpretation… but other than that (and a nice sequence that takes in Darwinism, Creationism and religion in one go) this is mostly laughably bad.  Crowe delivers yet another duff performance but he’s not the only one – everyone’s dial is cranked up to 11  – and alongside a ropey script, poor effects and a much too long run time this is just an insane mess.

Best Bit: Creation… Aronofsky style

Cinema, Stream, Avoid: Avoid

If You Liked this Try: The Ten Commandments, Life Of Brian, The Last Temptation Of Christ

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

Exodus Gods And Kings (2014) – A Revisited Not-So Quick Capsule Review

Exodus Gods And Kings (2014) – A Revisited Not-So Quick Capsule Review

Quick Review

So Ridley Scott’s latest… well to save you time (both in reading this review and watching this film) it joins a VERY small list of films I couldn’t actually finish.  Yup with a planner full of Justin’s, House Of Cards and, frankly, watching point dry as alternatives I gave up at just over an hour and a quarter.

However in lieu of a review of the full film, this is what I have learnt from what I managed to endure:

1) All Egyptians are camper than Julian Clary at a camping exhibition on national be camp day.

2) Every-time a Hebrew speaks I keep expecting dialogue from Life Of Brian to come out. Yes it’s that badly mounted at times.

3) It looks amazing. Computers can sure make an impressive looking film. Sadly however as you know nothing is real in the film and everything is CGI (maybe even Bale’s beard?) I keep trying to grab my PS4 remote to start playing the game then remember it’s actually a film and I haven’t just been watching cut scenes. This is disappointing. 

4) ALL Ridley Scott films MUST start with Basil Exposition captions. It’s the law. 

5) There are no mirrors in Ancient Egypt. If there were, Moses would clearly be able to see he looks nothing like a fucking Egyptian and therefore when he is told he is in fact Hebrew he, like everyone else watching, should be able to go ” Duh! No shit! Do I look like one of them?”. This could make the film about an hour shorter. 

6) John Turturro is a terrible actor. This is only JUST a step up from his appearances in Transformers. He should now retire safe in the knowledge that anything good he once did has now been forgotten. Much like Rolph Harris. 

7) Egyptians seem to have accents ranging from what I assume is Egyptian, to American, to British American to I have no god damn idea what accent Turturro was doing.  This is Russell Crowe in Robin Hood all over again but with a whole cast instead.

8) Time jumps from meeting someone to getting married in the NEXT SHOT just doesn’t work at all. Then to do it again seconds later and he has kids? Criminal.

9) Alien and to a lesser extend Blade Runner were flukes. Ridley Scott is a hack.

10) Prometheus 2 should now be avoided at all costs. As should this.

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

X-Men Days Of Future Past (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

X-Men Days Of Future Past (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
This is a strange one.  Whilst the film is undoubtedly excellently made and is now considered by most to be one of the two best X-Men films (with X2 no doubt) I left the cinema somewhat underwhelmed.  Apart from a few strong sequences (notably the Quicksilver/ Magneto Rescue), the far more interesting future world is sacrificed for a 70’s set linear tale that offers little action but is heavy on the talking.  And whilst it shouldn’t, the eve growing inconsistencies in the X-Men time line is starting to really grate. So overall competent but nothing we haven’t been, better, elsewhere.

Best Bit: Quicksilver

Buy, Rent, Stream, Borrow: Rent

If You Liked this Try: X-Men Days Of Future Past, X-Men 2, The Avengers

 

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

Godzilla (2014)- A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Godzilla (2014)- A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Gareth Edwards’s second film as a director sees him once again dealing with ‘monsters’ but this time he dares to tread where many more experienced directors have failed and take on the might of Godzilla.  And you know what?  For the most part he pulls it off.  What Edwards does best is to strike the right balance between the ample destruction and the people.  Where as Zack Snider’s destruction porn is all about falling building, Edwards makes it about the characters.  Where as Michael Bay reveals in explosions, Edwards reveals in human drama.  This doesn’t mean that the film doesn’t have it’s wham! Bam! moments – it does and in spades – but they mean something. So the story isn’t perfect and the film uses the ‘hint’ reveal a few too many times, but Godzilla does so much right that you can forgive it a few small issues.

Best Bit: Monster Smack down.

Buy, Rent, Stream, Borrow: Buy

If You Liked this Try: Pacific Rim, Jurassic Park, Monster

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

Interstellar (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Interstellar (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Man did the though of this film leave me cold.  A trailer that did little for me and hype that bordered on ridiculous. It felt like the 5 star reviews had already been written.  But a week or so away from the release, sitting down to watch the film I have to say- for the most part the hype was right. This is astounding filmmaking. It’s not perfect – the Nolan’s script is lacking once again with terrible on the nose dialogue and large chunks of plot dump, the ending is pure Spielberg at it’s worst and the film because of it ends up being longer than it needed to be.  HOWEVER this is a film that demands to be seen on the big screen (the biggest you can find actually) , has visual FX that create some of the most believable worlds ever seen on screen and has note perfect after note perfect performance.  Oh and the sound.  Just… wow. So overall whilst not the 5 star classic certain reviewers would have you believe, Nolan delivers probably the best 4 star movie ever and is back on form after the lacklustre Dark Knight Rises.

Best Bit: Matthew McConaughey delivers the goods once again.

Buy, Rent, Stream, Borrow: Buy

If You Liked this Try: Inception, The Dark Knight, Insomnia

 

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

The Expendables 3 (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

The Expendables 3 (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
I’ve not been the biggest fan of the Expendables films.  The first had a great concept but fell short and the second, whilst fun, was pretty forgettable.  So it really was with limited expectations that I arrived at Expendables 3.  And you know what?  Not only is it the best of the three films, it’s also one of the better films of 2014. Fun, funny (with some amazing one liners and call backs to classic action films from the cast) with top notch action scenes and a cast at the top of their game (not least a resurgent Mel Gibson & Wesley Snipes).  In short: Great fun.

Best Bit: The finale

Buy, Rent, Stream, Borrow: Buy

If You Liked this Try: Expendables, Expendables 2, Commando

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

White House Down (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

White House Down (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
One of 2013’s biggest misses this arrived months after the hit that was Olympus Has Fallen to a chorus of meh!  But I have no idea why because, as an action film, it’s much better that Olympus, has it’s tongue firmly in cheeky and mangoes to deliver whilst never taking itself too seriously.  In fact White House Down is probably one of the best action films of 2013.  No Really.

Best Bit: President of the USA + Rocket luncher.

Rent, Borrow, Buy, Stream: Buy

If you liked this try: Olympus Has Fallen, Die Hard With A Vengeance, Under Siege

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

Cinderella (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Cinderella (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
As old school and classic Disney as you can get, Kenneth Branagh’s retelling of the classic Cinderella is a charming, funny and beautiful film that will be loved by older children and just about tolerated by most parents!  Actually that’s pretty harsh – the filmmaking craft alone on display here is worth watching (sumptuous visuals, glamorous clothing and stunning sets), as are the central  performances of Lily James, Cate Blanchett and Game Of Throne’s Richard Madden.   And in fact whilst it’s pitched, and often feels like classic straight Disney the Cinderella as presented here is no wallflower, instead a strong, independent Disney princess up there with some of the best of them.  So overall whilst you’ll be dragged along by the kids, you’ll probably end up secret quite enjoying it.  I did.

Best Bit: The Ball

Buy, Rent, Stream, Borrow: Buy (for the kids)

If You Liked this Try: Enchanted, In The Woods, Maleficent

 

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

Frank (2014)- A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Frank (2014)- A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
What can you say about Frank other that… WFT? Yup Frank is one of those movies that is almost impossible to review.  Whimsical like a Wes Anderson film, with a bit of modern day Angel Share Ken Loach, a dash of Spinal Tap and Fassbender delivering one of his best ever performances even though you can’t see him for the bulk of the film… Frank is truly an original.  And it’s also funny, charming and well worth a watch. with excellent support from Gleeson, McNairy and Gyllenhaal. But make sure you are in the right mood because if your not then this could be a hard slog.

Best Bit: Fassbender delivers a masterclass

Buy, Stream, Borrow: Stream

If You Liked this Try: Grand Budapest Hotel, The Angel’s Share, This Life Aquatic

 

 


Follow us on Social Media:

 

 

Zombeavers (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Zombeavers (2014) – A Quick Capsule Review (Revisited)

Quick Review

Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
Look let’s be honest Zombeavers is a terrible film.  Badly acted, average direction, few fresh ideas.  It’s very much a one joke film.  But hell what a joke.  I haven’t had this much fun watching a film in a long time.  You have to check your brain at the door for sure, but come on it’s ZOMBIE BEAVERS!!! What’s not to like?  Nudity, blood, outlandish bad guys… it’s like the 2014 travel back to the 90’s to get it’s groove back.  This isn’t for everyone but I enjoyed the hell out of it!

Best Bit: Zombeaver Humans.  or Humbeavers.

Buy, Rent, Stream, Borrow: Rent

If You Liked this Try: Ticks, Big Ass Spiders, Sharknado

 


Follow us on Social Media: