Motion Picture Maniac

Motion Picture Maniac

Smurfs: The Lost Village – Motion Picture Maniac

Yes, I actually went to see Smurfs: The Lost Village, and I didn’t think it was all that good, is it better than the previous two Smurfs films? Oh, Christ yes, there are many things better than those two sperm bank rejects, but unfortunately, being better than that isn’t saying all that much. Story wise, we have all the Smurfs ... Read More »

CHiPs – Motion Picture Maniac

So let me get this straight, this film, “CHiPs”, is intended to be comedic, right? It’s supposed to make you laugh, yes? Are there any other intentions than that? Is it intended to challenge our beliefs, morals and/or way of life? No? So it’s just a comedy then, constructed for no other reason than to make one laugh… well that’s ... Read More »

A Cure For Wellness – Motion Picture Maniac

For the majority of Gore Verbinski’s career I feel like I’ve been the only one really trying to give the guy a break, I don’t think he’s as bad as people keep making out, even after years of pondering I still can’t quite figure out why everyone has such a problem with the second and third entries in the Pirates ... Read More »

The Space Between Us – Motion Picture Maniac

You want to know exactly how bad this movie is? An hour or two after getting home from the cinema I had completely forgotten about ever even going to the cinema itself. I remembered suddenly that I had actually gone to see something but it took me, what must have been, 10 or so minutes to remember exactly what it ... Read More »

Fifty Shades Darker – Motion Picture Maniac

So… yeah… I went to the cinema to see Fifty Shades Darker, the sequel to Fifty Shades Of Grey, a movie about a sweet innocent idiot who ends up in a controlling and abusive relationship with a billionaire sadist and… not much else to be perfectly honest, the plot didn’t really go further than that. Speaking of being perfectly honest, ... Read More »

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter – Motion Picture Maniac

What can I say guys, I have a lot of guilty pleasures, Showgirls, The Happening, The Last Airbender, every single one of them are God awful beyond all comprehension and yet I own them all on DVD, not because I think they’re good, but rather because watching them makes me laugh like I’m trying to kill myself, I howl until ... Read More »

Gold – Motion Picture Maniac

Remember when the Wolf Of Wall Street came out and a fair amount of prudish fools said it was too vulgar, too profane, sexual, stuffed with drugs and immoral? Well boy do I have the film for them – Gold, starring Matthew McConaughey, is exactly like the Wolf Of Wall Street if it had all the swearing, sex, drugs and ... Read More »

Rings – Motion Picture Maniac

“WHY… WON’T… THIS… DEAD… HORSE… GET… UP?” I imagine these words flying from the mouth of a studio executive with booming rage as he tries his very best to justify another Ring film despite interest in the franchise dwindling quicker than flesh in a furnace, which probably started around the time a car got itself ravaged by the worst CGI ... Read More »

xXx: Return Of Xander Cage review – Motion Picture Maniac

“Let me simplify it for you, kick some ass, get the girl, and try… to look dope while you’re doing it” This, so called, “line” the great Samuel L. Jackson has the, ahem… honour of delivering at the end of xXx: Return Of Xander Cage, the third instalment to the Oscar winning Vin Diesel/Ice Cube action franchise, makes me laugh ... Read More »

The Best and the Worst of 2016 – Motion Picture Maniac

2016 absolutely sucked, not just because we had, what felt like, twice as many bad films as usual, but more celebrity deaths than one can count and the UK and US trying to out-do each other in the “see who can make the worst political decision ever” competition. But alas, we are here just to talk about the films we ... Read More »