Phil’s Quick Capsule Review:
There was a moment, just briefly, that I started to convince myself during the near epic runtime of Transformers The Last Knight that it wasn’t actually the worst Transformers film I’d seen. Yes a low bar granted but still… small things. After all it lacked the now (in)famous Michael Bay voyeurism that has haunted the previous instalments. It also didn’t stop the film to have a near 10 minutes dedicated to justifying statuary rape. You know it was at least a LITTLE bit better. But then… then after over an hour and a half of mind numbering action, a story that makes so little sense I could have been written in Korean and visuals so dull and relentless that a bout of Chinese water torture would have been preferable I realised that no, actually, this was just as bad as the previous 3 instalments. Just without the underage sex and horrid gynaecological shots of Megan Fox/Rosie Huntington Whatever/Other girl’s rear ends. Okay so in hindsight I THINK Fifty Shades still edges it for worst film of the year but man if you want to see what $300 million USD of pure tedium looks like then The Last Knight is your bag. But don’t. PLEASE. I watched this so you don’t have to. There is nothing for you here. Nothing. Oh YOU STILL want to ignore my warnings? Well Marky Mark made over $60 million USD for this. There you go. See. NOTHING. Enjoy your day at the park.
Best Bit: SIR Anthony Hopkins slums in for money.
Buy, Stream, Avoid: Burn. Burn any copies of this film you can.
If You Liked this Try: Waterboarding
Author: Phil Hobden