Smurfs: The Lost Village – Motion Picture Maniac

Smurfs: The Lost Village – Motion Picture Maniac

Yes, I actually went to see Smurfs: The Lost Village, and I didn’t think it was all that good, is it better than the previous two Smurfs films? Oh, Christ yes, there are many things better than those two sperm bank rejects, but unfortunately, being better than that isn’t saying all that much.

Story wise, we have all the Smurfs living in their little village, they all have names that define their personalities and everything is going well until Smurfette, the only female Smurf in existence begins to question her personality, not quite knowing what Smurfette is supposed to say about her like everyone else’s name does. So she goes on a journey to find another village that may be out in the woods accompanied by some other Smurfs and there’s the evil wizard chasing them and it was around here that I actually nodded off for five minutes. This is the third film I have ever fallen asleep watching because of how bored I became, the are silly, cartoonish and intended only for children, thus leaving any adults present stranded in limbo trying to work out if it’s appropriate to abandon their offspring this late in the game.

You could say the animation is OK, I’ve seen better but it’s alright, there’s no stupid live-action implementation because that’s what you do when you have no idea how to adapt an animated property to the big screen, just get them lost in the “Big City” and see what happens from there, there is effort by those involved to make something that’s at least entertaining and I was never really angry at this film, it never ticked me off, but it did do things that irritated and bugged me quite a lot. The plot is very unoriginal, probably a tactic used by the filmmakers to avoid coming up with anything original due to the young age of their target audience, stars appear around characters’ heads when they have been struck by a blunt object, character motivation is clichéd and nonsensical, the tone is goofy and bombastic leaving little room for investment and I didn’t laugh once at any of the jokes despite my hopes that I eventually would.

Smurfette is voiced by Demi Lovatto and she phones it in from beginning to end, sounding like she would much rather be doing something else as her voice lacks any kind of real conviction, and if you thought the voice talents of Mandy Patinkin could save then I’m afraid you’re out of luck here, as he too sounds as though he’s delivering his lines from the comfort of his living room because he couldn’t be bothered to leave his house; I’m not saying that’s what happened but his voice certainly gives the impression. Characters accept blame for things that are actually the fault of the overly suspicious character accusing them of stuff they didn’t do, which just shows how much effort was put into writing it, there’s a lot of decision making that makes no sense, such as saving the villain from drowning because it’s the nice thing to do I guess, only for him to then screw them over (what did they think was gonna happen – really?) and there’s a strange message about feminism right at the end that really rubbed me the wrong way.

It was so in my face I think it could have broken my nose; all the smurfs go on about how Smurfette can be anything she wants to be, and the whole point of the movie was Smurfette trying to discover what her personality has to do with her name, as is the case with all the other smurfs. So she has a name that indicates that she’s female but she doesn’t know that’s what it means, and at the end all the others just say she can be anything she wants, whatever her name means to them… is that because she’s a woman? Is that what the film is trying to say? Sounds like it, and I’m all for women’s rights but when a film shoves it down one’s throat to this extent you just want to be sick.

So it’s not hideous and terrible in every sense of the word but it is absolutely not good, children will probably like it but if you’re and adult then just walk away, nothing to see here, unless of course you’re very partial to the song “Blue Da Ba Dee” in which case – hey, go right ahead.

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