What can I say guys, I have a lot of guilty pleasures, Showgirls, The Happening, The Last Airbender, every single one of them are God awful beyond all comprehension and yet I own them all on DVD, not because I think they’re good, but rather because watching them makes me laugh like I’m trying to kill myself, I howl until my ribs implode and I must say, the Resident Evil movies are very much like that for me, not all of them but most of them, especially Afterlife and Retribution, are my guiltiest of guilty pleasures and I really enjoy watching them.
I feel very lucky right now because xXx: Return Of Xander Cage wasn’t too long ago and I thought that was a guilty pleasure too, terrible but oh so enjoyable and laughable in every sense of the word; and that same opinion seems to have been replicated upon my viewing of the Paul W. S. Anderson videogame zombie fest – Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (oh I bet). To tell you the absolute, hand over heart truth, this film screams dumb like its life depends on it, the action is completely ridiculous, the acting is awful despite Mila Jovovich’s mysterious charm, the script is preposterous, the plot is as schizophrenic as it gets and the dialogue is laughably bad, but that right there is the key word my friends – “laughably”; it’s one of them, so bad it’s actually quite good.
That’s what this thing is, it may be stupid, it may be dumb, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sit through it with the biggest grin my face was capable of producing, I had an absolute blast with this thing, when the action was going down I couldn’t help but smile and the ridiculous awesomeness on display, combined with all the monsters, the zombies, the comic book-ish action shots and the lack of attention to reality made for something quite special, rubbish but special. The story picks up quite some time after the last film ended, in which the heroes found themselves hold up in the White House with the villainous Albert Wesker who decided maybe it would better if we all teamed up to fight off the remaining horde or else we’re all screwed.
Turns out much of that may as well be meaningless as The Final Chapter takes place after an entire movie’s worth of plot has happened in between now and Retribution, Wesker betrayed them all and went back to being bad, the White House is literally in ruins, characters have scattered (or probably been forgotten about) and Alice is all alone, soon to discover the hologramatic Red Queen actually needs her help and gives her a rough estimate of how much time is left before all other remaining humans are destroyed and she must go back down into the Hive where all this carnage started to hopefully do something about it.
It’s weird because barely any consideration has been given to missing characters, the original actor playing Wesker has been replaced which disappointed me because I quite liked him, despite the fact that his mouth barely opened more than a millimetre when he spoke, the CGI effects aren’t brilliant, detailed for sure but a little too noticeable and it is kinda awkward whenever the film believes we care about the characters when we absolutely do not, but I was somehow able to shut all of those nags out and enjoy the sheer ridiculousness of it. Was I annoyed it wasn’t quite as fun as Retribution? Maybe, does the story continuity stick out like a sore thumb? Of course it does but this is the same movie where a woman isn’t sent flying into the air even as a missile blows up merely centimetres away from her so who the hell cares?
It’s called the final chapter but so was Friday 13th part 4 and they still made it all the way up to God knows how many, so will this be the last one? Couldn’t say, maybe, maybe not, I guess we’ll all find out together, I wouldn’t mind another one because despite silliness I do enjoy them, I like zombies, I like dogs and so it only makes sense that I find zombie-dogs as irresistible as the fluffy cosy kind, seeing the laser hallway again was nice, the flying bat monsters are fun, the action is improved over the predecessor despite perhaps a few too many quick cuts from time to time and Mila Jovovich makes for a cool screen presence, maybe that’s the reason Mr Anderson gets the hate that he gets, because he beat everyone else to getting her in a wedding dress.