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Blog: Grosse Point Geek – Review of 2015

Another year comes to a close, and on the whole its been a good one – Max went properly mad, the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park roared once  again, and best of all – the Force re-awoke with the superb Star Wars Episode 7.  Overall I’d say a lot of this years films were brilliant, some were just good, some disappointing and some just plain god-awful.

So without further ado here is my breakdown of the films of 2015.

Top Ten Best Films:

  1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
  2. Mad Max: Fury Road
  3. Whiplash
  4. The Martian
  5. Kingsman: The Secret Service
  6. Jurassic World
  7. Steve Jobs
  8. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation
  9. The Theory Of Everything
  10. Legend

Top ten Honouree Mentions:

  1. Fast And Furious 7
  2. American Sniper
  3. John Wick
  4. Water Diviner
  5. Southpaw
  6. The Gift
  7. Train wreck
  8. Bridge Of Spies
  9. Birdman
  10. In The Heart Of The Sea

Best Performances

  1. Eddie Redmayne: The Theory Of Everything
  2. Adam Driver: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
  3. Mark Rylance: Bridge Of Spies
  4. Michael Fassbender: Steve Jobs
  5. Amy Schumer:Trainwreck
  6. Tom Hardy : Legend
  7. Jake Gyllenhall: Southpaw
  8. Joel Edgerton: The Gift
  9. Jason Bateman: The Gift
  10. Matt Damon- The Martian
  11. Charlize Theron – Mad Max: Fury Road
  12. Harrison Ford: Star Wars: The Force Awakens (included here because the guy could have just phoned it in and took the money – but bless him – he threw himself into it and turned in his best performance for years as a result )

Best Scenes

  1. Mad Max Fury Road: The frankly gobsmacking last 20 minutes –a cacophony of bone crunching, death defying, action packed mentalism.
  2. Star Wars: The Force Awakens: The Return of Han and Chewie – Everyone’s favourite space pirate and his hairy sidekick walk through the door of the Falcon, blasters in hand, ready for action – there’s a pause and then Han utters the immortal line: “Chewie…we’re home”.
  3. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation: Tom Cruise hanging on to the side of a plane as it does a vertical take off – all without the assistance of a stunt double.
  4. Jurassic World: The Dino Hunt – A hard-as-nails, motorbike riding Chris Pratt and his trained Velociraptors go hell for leather in pursuit of the rampaging Indominus Rex.
  5. Fast and Furious 7 – the wonderfully touching tribute to the late Paul Walker.
  6. Whiplash: That last 10 minutes – when somehow, brilliantly- director Damian Chazelle made drumming exhilarating.
  7. The Martian: Stranded Astronaut Mark Watney’s (Matt Damon) hilarious off camera, expletive ridden reply to NASA (plus his boss  Jeff Daniel’s shocked reaction) when he’s told  that they haven’t informed his long gone Hermes ship mates he is still alive on Mars.
  8. Star Wars: The Force Awakens –The escape From Jakku –Rey (Daisy Ridley) desperately pilots the Millennium Falcon through a giant wreck of a Star Destroyer, whilst Finn (John Boyega) blasts away with the ship’s dodgy laser cannons at the pursuing First Order Tie Fighters, in the background we hear John Williams classic theme tune and a million fan boys suddenly find themselves in need of a change of underwear.
  9. John Wick: The Nightclub shootout – Keanu Reeves titular assassin cuts swathe of bullet ridden death and destruction through a nightclub jam packed with Russian baddies.
  10. Kingsman: The Secret Service: The pub fight. Eggsy (Taron Egerton) finds himself  facing a massive kicking from his odious stepfather and various other assorted yobs, until Kingsman Harry Hart (Colin Firth)politely asks the question:  “are we going to stand here all day?……or are we going to fight”?  – Then promptly beats seven bells out of the lot of them.
  11. Star Wars: The Force Awakens: Kylo Ren vs Rey: After overpowering Finn, the evil Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) reaches for the fallen Skywalker lightsabre – however, his moment of triumph is abruptly thwarted by Rey (Daisy Ridley) who taps her inner Jedi and uses the force to grab it first – cue the Star Wars theme, a gigantic scrap, and a million fan boys need yet another change of underwear……which included me.

 

Best Lines

“I am the scales of justice, conductor of the choir of death!”

The Bullet Farmer (Richard Carter)

Mad Max: Fury Road

 

“You just bought yourself and dance with the devil boy”

Agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson)

Fast and Furious 7

 

“Useless Turd”

Uncle Howard (David Koechner)

Krampus

 

“I like boys”

Ron Kray (Tom Hardy)

Legend

 

“I am awaited in Valhalla!!”

Nux (Nicolas Hoult)

Mad Max: Fury Road

 

“Woman……the cavalry’s here”

Agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson – again)

Fast and Furious 7

 

“Chewie – we’re home”

Han Solo (Harrison Ford)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

 

“You’re boyfriend’s a bad ass”

Zach (Nick Robinson)

Jurassic World

 

2015’s Biggest Disappointments:

SPECTRE: too long with uninspired action scenes.

Avengers: Age Of Ultron – not exactly a bad film, in fact its pretty good in parts  – but paled in comparison to Avengers Assemble, the absence of Tom Hiddleston as Loki was keenly felt, there was too much of Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye and the final battle failed to excite.

The Hunger Games Mocking jay Part 2 -could have been good but was utterly ruined by the last 20 minutes- a shocking let-down

The Worst films of 2015

Before I name and shame these cinematic dung piles – id just like to express my never ending exasperation at how highly paid studio executives and experienced film makers manage to produce such utter bilge – and then think they will get away with it – unbelievable.

  1. Spy –Legend has it that the 12th Century English King Edward, was murdered by having a red hot poker shoved up his bum………after watching 2 hours of this painfully unfunny “comedy”   – I’d say he  got off lightly.
  2. Taken 3 -the text book definition of how to crap all over the splendid original by making a bloodless and deathly boring action film.
  3. Crimson Peak -pointless arty farty rubbish –   gothic horror my arse.
  4. The Man From UNCLE -about as entertaining as watching paint dry.
  5. Terminator: Genysys –Complete garbage – learnt nothing from the mistakes of the last 2 sequels and just about managed to get EVERYTHING completely wrong – including the trailer.
  6. Big Game – utter pants of the highest order – and a catastrophically wasted opportunity to boot – Die Hard this was not.
  7. Poltergeist -an insult to the vastly superior original.
  8. Jupiter Ascending -stunningly awful, featuring Channing Tatum as a half man half wolf and Sean Bean as a half man half bee (yes folks – a Bee). Plus proved once and for all that the Wachowski’s disappeared up their own orifices long ago, and are now nothing more than a one trick pony.
  9. Pitch Perfect 2: Given a choice between being struck down with the 10 plagues of Egypt and watching this again, ill take the scab, the boil and the itch any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
  10. Left Behind – I think this was released late 2014 – but as I watched it this year on Netflix I just have to mention it. Now then, let’s see -what phrases best suit this horror show?

Manure of the highest order?, vomit inducing crap?, the premier league of film making ineptitude?, celluloid sewage?, gilt edged spewtum?, possibly the worst film ever made?,  the final nail in Nic Cages career? – I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

 

Author: Will Strong 

 

Grosse Point Geek

Grosse Point Geek

The Austin Powers to Phil Hobden's Dr Evil, it's fair to say Will spends his life trying to convince Phil that Paul WS Anderson ISNT a bad filmmaker, that The Hobbit movies really are THAT good and, for the most part, Phil is wrong about most things. Which he is.

Oh and Will doesn't really use social. Ever.

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