Do you want to see a tastefully-handled, thought provoking melodrama about zombies? Yeah, me neither. That’s a bit like wanting a violent movie about knife wielding maniacs without blood or anger.
And so, we land at Maggie; true enough, the first of its kind. I have long since regarded the zombie genre as a dead, lifeless corpse drained of every ounce of its creativity in an already oversaturated market. I hadn’t obviously accounted for this dreary borefest.
Maggie is the name of the daughter of Arnold Schwarzenegger; somewhere in a remote American wilderness, she’s been the victim of the incoming zombie plague. She’s collected at the hospital by her father to take her home for a bit before the inevitable occurs. She is taken home, and then the real fun begins; huge chunks of time devoted to analysing her mum, dad and a bunch of other nondescript dolts sit around nearly crying that “the inevitable” is nearing.
The same fate has also befallen her boyfriend, wouldn’t you know it. For the characters, no doubt an earnest and heart-wrenching sneak preview of what will happen to Maggie. For us as an audience, a sneak preview of the fucking ending we’re dying to have to sit through so we can leave and do something else.
To make matters even more Merchant/Ivory, the whole picture is washed in saturated hues; a bit like a cheap alcohol commercial. Everyone mops as if they’re drunk. And the soundtrack… occasional hits of the lower notes that pang and echo for what seems like an eternity. It all leads up to an ending you’d expect from a sorry sad of toothless. melodramatic hacks. And when it comes it’ll be no surprise – and you’ll hate yourself even more for investing the time and effort.
A more fitting title would have been World War Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
Author: Andrew Mackay
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